This article is tailored specifically to the online, text-based gaming world, but I’m sure that it has many applications in other social or gaming environments. So here it is, How to Avoid RP Drama and Why.“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
-Dorothy Nevill
I. Why NOT to Participate:
i. The Internet is Written in Ink, Not Pencil:
It is important to remember that everything you say is there forever. Okay, sure, you may be able to lose things that you sometimes wish you could find again, but permanence of the internet is always something you should count on when you decide if you should or should not say something.
Whatever you send or post can be copied, saved, archived, or retweeted. Plenty of gamers save AIM logs and there are entire sites dedicated to archiving the juicier bits of social networking sites. If you say something catty about another player, chances are that your direct quote will be repeated or found by them in some way.
ii. All Activity is Beneficial to the Life of a Game:
We have all met the player who is so bad that people leave the game. They do exist. However, chances are that this person will be cut from the game if you give it time. Filing a complaint with a mod is a mature way to voice your concerns. Complaining laterally is an immature way and far less productive.
Most gossip and drama doesn’t center around that one player. Most of it is focused on someone you have a problem with that others may be fine with. Therefore, even if you have decided to avoid interaction with another player because of drama, don’t discourage others.
ALL activity is good for a game. Activity creates plot that ripples and effects others. Character X and Character Y could have a plot that changes Character Y and gives him plot with Character Z. That doesn’t mean that X and Z ever have to thread together. It’s still plot that spreads.
Activity promotes activity. People keep up with the standard of a game. The pace is set and matched. If it slows, even the active players will slow because of decreased pressure or because they are afraid of flooding the boards. Discouraging activity with any player can ripple to slow the whole game. Furthermore, active games attract active players. You may not want to play with a person, but the fact that they are playing can bring in more, good players.
iii. “Who gossips to you will gossip of you.” -Turkish Proverb:
If you start talking smack about another player, the people you talk to will probably not trust you.
We’ve all had the buddy we thought we could vent to. You may think you’re blowing off steam to a trusted source, but I’ve personally had a long time RP buddy turn around and misquote my words of anger to an even longer-time RP buddy. It nearly ruined our relationship. She was never someone I wanted to lose as a partner and I almost did because I vented to someone who liked to gossip.
iv. Drama is nasty and players will leave good games to avoid it:
I have known players in my games to quit because other players kept gossiping to them. Drama creates a negative environment. We role-play to de-stress. This is meant to be fun. Nobody wants to sign up for a game with notorious drama. Nobody wants to pick up a storyline with someone who has a reputation.
II. How to Avoid Drama:
i. Ask Yourself If It’s Worth It:
If you have ever had the terrible, gut-punching sensation of confrontation... if you’ve ever felt the adrenaline rush of duking it out online... if you’ve ever stayed up past your planned bed time to correct someone on the internet... ask yourself if this issue is worth that stress. Usually it is not.
ii. Give Them The Benefit of the Doubt:
Make sure that you didn’t misinterpret tone. It’s hard with a text format and they may not have meant it as snarky as it sounded.
iii. State it and End It:
There is something to be said for a reasonable debate, but if you have stated your case and they don’t seem to be acknowledging logic or they appear to be responding to your logic by repeating the points you just argued against, then they don’t care what you have to say. They may even be a troll. If they aren’t going to let anything prove them wrong, then no matter how right you think you are, it is not worth it.
If they are not changing their mind, end it. There is no point repeating yourself in a six page debate on rpvents. It’s stressing to you and it makes you look just as argumentative. There is a maturity and grace is saying “I already addressed that issue. If you don’t like my answer, then I guess we’re at an impasse.” You will ultimately come off more intelligent and sane and it will win you favour with anyone else reading the debate (and even if you think it is a private AIM convo, they could be showing it to a friend or posting it to quitroleplay!)
III. How to Resolve Drama: For those cases where you need a “come to Jesus” because it can’t be ignored anymore.
i. Asses The Intention:
If someone wants to talk and you think it may be drama, ask yourself what they want. Do they want to “vent” or brainstorm. Sometimes a player may come to you for advice and I don’t want to discourage help. You have to ask if they want help or if they just want to blow off steam. You should avoid steam (it burns worse than boiling water!) and decide if you think you can be helpful if they really want to brainstorm.
ii. Decide if You Can Help:
If you can help, and you really need to search yourself for an honest answer, approach with caution. If you can’t help, make it clear that you can’t and then keep what you’ve heard in confidence. If they really came to you for help and you spread the word, you will not be trusted again.
iii. If You Decline to Help or Listen, Refer Them to a Mod:
If you cannot help or do not want to involve yourself (smart cookie!) then refer them to the other player or a Mod. Those are the only two people you should ever suggest they go to. Don’t drag in another third party.
iv. Know that Nothing on the Internet is Private:
If you know the person in real life or are comfortable on Skype, then those may be your only modes to talk without your words being copy-pasted to someone else. Remember that a stranger on the internet, no matter how long you’ve known them, may repeat you and DO NOT say anything you may regret if it was quoted.
v. Be Objective:
This other player may be your friend, but remember that there are two sides and give the benefit of the doubt. Playing the devil’s advocate may help, but always show that you are supported so they do not think you’ve sided against them.
vi. Get All the Details:
If you are going to intervene, you had better know it all. If anything is unclear, ask for a clarification so you are not giving misguided advice or spreading misinformation.
vii. Offer Advice:
If you are going to talk about a problem, you had better be working towards a solution. Offer advice. This will also tell you if they really want help or just want to vent.
viii. GET OVER IT:
When the issue is dealt with, forget it. It helps no one to cling to the past.
Drama is not an unbeatable force of nature. It is living. Drama evolves and grows and consumes, but the important thing to remember is that it can die. Drama as a tiny monster is easy to kill. Drama allowed to grow can destroy relationships, communities, and leave scars on players. How does Drama grow? Like any creature, Drama needs to be fed. If you refuse to feed Drama, it will die.
DRAMA IS A LIVING, GROWING, ALL-CONSUMING MONSTER. I MUST KILL DRAMA BY STARVING IT AT AN EARLY STAGE. NO MATTER WHAT IS BEING SAID TO ME OR OF ME, I HAVE THE OPTION TO REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE. IF I DO NOT RESPOND TO THE CALL OF DRAMA, IT CANNOT FEED OFF OF ME.
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